Yègellé Tezeta
by sufjanstevens
Summary: Title means My Own Memory. Alice returns home after her voyage to China. While reading to her niece, faces and words invade her mind, leading her on another journey; to Wonderland, and to discover who she really is, and what she really wants.


It was a cool, crisp September night. The soft breeze rustled the leaves of the trees, creating a soft whisper of sound that carried through the window of a nearby house. Looking through this window, one could see a woman reading a book to a small child in bed. She had fair hair, with soft curls that framed her pale but beautiful face.

"And so ends the story of Wendy and Peter Pan." Alice closed the book, a small smile on her face. Turning to the little girl, she noticed a small frown forming on her face. "Why Evelyn, what's wrong?"

The 6-year-old girl shook her golden-brown curls. "It's not fair to Peter! Wendy could just return home and go on with her life. What about him? How was he supposed to feel when the one person he truly cared about left him?" She crossed her arms, and a small pout started to form on her small face.

Alice started to laugh at Evelyn's expression, when suddenly a face flashed through her mind. A man with wild ginger hair, a large top hat, and… _Those eyes. I know those eyes. Where have I seen you before?_ They were so expressive, such a pure shade of green. _But… what's wrong?_ He looked disoriented, dejected… alone.

"Aunty Alice, are you okay? You look lost."

Standing up and closing the window, Alice shook her head. _How do I know you?_ She turned around and smiled at her niece. "I'm perfectly fine, Evie. Now, I think it's time that someone went to bed, before her parents come home from their party, no?" A small squeal came from the bed as Alice jumped on and started tickling the squirming child.

"Not fair, not fair!" Evelyn buried herself under her covers. "See? I'm going to bed! Now stop, please!" After a few moments of silence, she peeked her head up. "Where are you going?"

Alice blew out the candles and stood at the door. "Like I said, it's time for you to go to bed. Don't worry, I'll be right downstairs." Closing the door softly behind her, she began to tread down the stairs- her mind was flooded with different thoughts. When she finally made it to the living room, her head felt like it was going to explode.

_"It's much too crowded in here."_

She started, dropping the book she had been holding. "Hello? Is anyone there?" Curious and slightly worried eyes scanned the room. _If someone's in the house…_ Alice opened the front door, closing her eyes and breathing in the night's air. Upon opening her eyes, a flash of white caught her eye in the garden.

_It's probably just a rabbit._ But something in her mind urged her, struck her with a powerful desire to follow. To see what it was. "But I can't leave Evelyn by herself…" Alice looked back inside the house. _Well, it's not as if I'm leaving the area…_

Making sure that the door was shut behind her, Alice threw on a small shawl and began a brisk walk towards the area where she saw the white object. Every time she thought that she was close, another glimpse of the white creature was a few yards ahead. Eventually, she was out of the garden and at the edge of the forest that neared the house.

_"Curiouser and curiouser…"_

Another memory flashed through her head. A rabbit in a waistcoat… Hamish asking for her hand in marriage… And then that man. _Why are you so important to me? And if you are important, why is it that I can't remember you? Are you just part of a dream?_ More thoughts passed through her mind. _Of course __**I**__ would dream up someone who was half-mad._ She snorted to herself at that thought.

_"Yes, but you would have to be half-mad to dream of someone who was half-mad."_

"Who said that?!" Her hair whipped around slightly as the wind picked up. She looked around, realizing that in her haste to satiate her curiosity, she had gotten lost. The branches overhead started to look like fingers, pointing in different directions and telling her which way to go.

"Hello? Can someone help me?" After speaking out loud, Alice chastised herself. _There's no one around, you're in the middle of the woods._ Suddenly her eyes glazed over with slight fear. _Or if there is someone, it's not someone that you would want to run into._ Although she had spent her childhood happily roaming the nearby orchard at her father's house, it was another thing to be a 23-year-old woman lost in a forest at night.

_I should have stayed home._ Feet picking up their pace, Alice began a slight jog, wondering if there were any trail markers that she could use to get back. "Where is that bloody white rabbit, anyways?" She heard the sound of a cracking branch behind her, and she began to run through the woods. The noises only got louder, increasing her sense of panic.

After running until her legs felt like jelly, her hair knotted, face flushed and with small scratches from low hanging branches, Alice collapsed next to a tree that had been cut in half. The soil beneath was spotted with damp marks from the tears that started to come from her tired eyes.

_"Nothing has ever been accomplished by crying."_

"Again, with the voices!" But with this one came a new memory, one of a white haired woman, the man with the green eyes, and a sword. _Is that even a memory? What's wrong with me?_ She tried to hit the ground in frustration, but was surprised when she felt nothing. "A hole?"

Maybe it was because she was exhausted. Maybe it was because she needed something to distract her from the dismal state she was in. Or maybe it was because she could never stop her inquisitive and explorative nature from being satisfied. Regardless of all of those reasons, Alice found herself leaning over the hole. "I wonder how far down it goes." She leaned in further, holding her hands on both sides. "Hellooooooo…" _That's quite an echo._

Leaning in even further, she started again. "Hellooo--"

A small scream escaped her mouth as she fell into the hole, nothing lighting her path as she fell into the dark abyss. All she could hear were the whistles of teapots and laughter.


End file.
